Back to top
Home | Finding an Au Pair for Your Family

Finding an Au Pair for Your Family

Au Pair and babyToday's post is by guest contributor Deb Schwarz, local coordinator for Cultural Care Au Pair and the mother of four. Learn more about Deb and Cultural Care Au Pair at d-schwarz.local.culturalcare.com.

Making the Live In/Live Out Childcare Decision

Many families grapple with what type of childcare option to choose.  Live-in, live-out, or out-of-home daycare, or “do it yourself.”  I know that I grappled with this decision when our triplets were born 7 years ago, and we already had a 20-month-old toddler at home (oh my!).

With us, the “do it yourself” route wasn’t an option, as we had no relatives in the area, and with four children under the age of 2, and both my husband and I working (me part-time in real estate and him full-time with lots of travel) help was a necessity. We started with a live-out nanny but the cost ($15 to $20 an hour) quickly became prohibitive.

So, we turned to an option that many multiples families choose:  a live-in au pair. Although the cost was appealing ($305 per week for 45 hours of childcare), initially, I was very skeptical. My impression was that au pairs were high school students who would be more work than it was worth. I signed up with an agency that I found on the Internet (without much research) and went with the first au pair that came our way. Done was from South Africa, and we were very lucky! She was 19 but going on 30 (very mature and responsible for her age), and we were hooked!  Our 20-month-old daughter didn’t notice when the triplets were born as she had a soul-mate/playmate! I still remember their roars of laughter in our home (amidst the crying of 3 babies). We quickly got a second au pair to help with the babies—who had worked with quads. We were soooo blessed to have such capable help those first few years.  I don’t know how we would have survived without our au pairs!  In fact, this year we will be going to South Africa for the wedding of our first au pair, Done, and our daughter (now 9) will be a flower girl. Au Pairs typically become part of the family, and for us, that is why we continue with having an au pair year after year. 

Now that I am a local coordinator for an au pair agency, families come to me for advice about whether or not a live-in au pair (or nanny) is a good option for them. I always tell them that having an au pair in the home is a different experience than having a live-out nanny.  Live-in au pairs become like a big sister or aunt to your children, and if having an extra person in the home isn’t for you, then consider a live-out option. Many families are worried that a live-in nanny/au pair will take away from their privacy, but are pleasantly surprised when the au pair’s social life takes them out of the home most of the time.  Families with small apartments have even made it work (many au pairs do not come from wealthy families and are used to smaller living situations). A live-in au pair only needs a bedroom with a door (a private bathroom or car is not necessary).

How to Find the Right Fit for Your Family

If you decide to go the live-in au pair or nanny route, the most important part of the whole process is finding the right fit for your family.  An au pair or nanny that is in sync with your family makes all the difference between a good year and a great year!  I have an essay on this topic on my website (Host Family Matching Tips), but here is the part that is most useful:

If the Glove Fits… The most important thing in the matching process is to try and figure out the needs and "style" of your family so that we can help you find the right match. Here are some areas to reflect on (and write in an email to me):

Experience: Do you need a mother's helper (someone who takes direction well), or an independent "sole charge," self-reliant au pair? (Or where should he/she fall on the continuum?) Do you want a first year au pair (who can stay for up to 2 years) or an experienced second year au pair from another part of the country?

Skills: Do you need someone with any special skills? An au pair who loves ice-skating since your daughter wants to be a pro, or someone who loves babies for a family with multiple babies, or someone who can multi-task with a family with older and younger children? English skills can be assessed over the phone, although driving skills are more difficult to ascertain long distance. If you need a safe driver for your children, be sure that they have driven at least several times a week for a year or more.

Maturity Level: This usually comes from life experiences (and sometimes how the au pair is raised). Someone who has lived away from home for a while tends to be more mature than those who haven't. I usually advise my families to try and get an au pair who has lived away from home for at least several months.

Personality: First thing to do is to reflect on your own family. What is your style? If you've had previous nannies, how would you describe the traits that you've valued the most? Once you've figured what is a good style fit for your family, then you need to determine if an au pair applicant has that style. This can be done by looking closely at their application, and asking the right kind of questions when you interview them, such as “How would your friends describe you?" (I have a set of questions to ask on my website). Do you see the same adjective over and over again in their references? I always stare long and hard at their photos... what sense do you get about the au pair? I put a lot of weight on how lively they look in the photos—do they have a "spark?" The beauty of transitional (in-country) au pairs is that you can meet them and test the "chemistry" with your family. With second year au pairs, you can interview their first year family to get more insight into what they are like.

Nationality: I've learned that there are all sorts of personalities within nationalities. There are some broad generalizations that are not necessarily the rule, but here goes: South Americans tend to be very nurturing and family oriented (sometimes their driving and English aren't the best, though), Brazilians are more gregarious and outgoing than the other South American countries, Germans like structure and discipline (and are typically good drivers), Eastern Europeans vary by country—in general they tend to be very hard working and appreciative. Australians are hard working and easy going. Swedes are very similar to Americans, and tend to have very good English and are easy going and open minded.

Values: This usually comes from their family. Ask the au pair the question: "what values did your parents teach you as most important in your life?” Then ask yourself: “Are these similar to our own family values?”

Once you've reflected on these areas, prioritize your "wish list" from most important to least, and give them to your matching specialist. 

I always help any families that sign up for an au pair through me by reviewing applications and letting them know what I think.  I stay with families throughout the matching process and advise them.  After reviewing hundreds of applications over the years (and hiring 13 for myself), I usually have a good eye for the best applications for multiples families. 

Live-in Au Pair vs. Nanny Differences

The basic difference between a live-in au pair and a live-in nanny is their age, experience level, and nationality. Au pairs come from overseas, and can live in the U.S. on an au pair visa for up to 2 years.  They range in age from 18 to 26.  You can specify the age and experience level that you require. 

The cost of a live-in au pair is $305 per week (for up to 45 hours of childcare) and includes the agency fee, medical insurance, overseas airfare, and local support and training.  Au Pair agencies are regulated by the State Dept. and there are several rules that must be followed (e.g. au pairs can work no more than 10 hours a day, no more than 45 hours a week, and must attend monthly au pair meetings).

A live-in nanny can be found on various websites or through a nanny agency (such as Auntie Ann’s and Town and Country) and they are U.S. citizens.  The cost of a live-in nanny is usually $400 to $800 per week plus the agency fee, depending on their experience and hours.

You can learn more about hosting an au pair by calling me at (415) 990-7571, or visiting my website: d-schwarz.local.culturalcare.com