Presenting a guest article by Mill Valley parent educator Julie King and co-author Joanna Faber. It's especially relevant for this time of year! You can learn more about Julie and her services, workshops, and presentations at www.julieking.org.
Have your kids been known to announce, upon opening a gift in front of the gift-giver, “I already have this one. You should’ve gotten me the other kind!”? Many of us have had kids burst into tears upon opening a gift, or angrily declare "I don't like this," causing great distress to the startled giver and great embarrassment to the hapless parent.
It can be hard not to be horrified by such unseemly behavior, or to question our own parenting, worrying that we’ve brought up greedy, spoiled brats. The urge is to punish them, to take things they value away from them, or to lecture them about all the less-fortunate children in the world. However satisfying these tactics may seem, though, none of them tend to create the grateful child of our dreams.
As we head into the potentially hazardous season of gift exchange, now is a good time to start preparing children to be gracious gift recipients and head off some of the hurt feelings and mortification. Here are some ideas to get you started:
- At a neutral time talk with your kids about getting presents that are disappointing. Share your own memories from your childhood when you were not just disappointed, but offended by presents you received – the toy that was “too babyish,” or the sweater that was downright ugly. Devise a plan with your kids for what to do in such a case. After all, the person was thinking of you and trying to please you. Can your kid have a special signal he can give you to let YOU know he is disappointed? What will he say to the gift giver? Perhaps a "Thank you so much!" said with enthusiasm, or “It was so nice of you to bring me a gift!
- Play the Present Giving Game. Let your kid find something thoroughly unappealing in the house or yard to wrap up and give to you (a rock, dirt, a spoon.) Now your challenge is to unwrap it and say something nice (“Oh, look at this beautiful rock. It’s so hard and smooth, I could use it as a paperweight; I know just where I’ll put it…” or “This is just what my flower pot needs so my petunias bloom,” or “Wow, what a shiny spoon. I can’t wait to use it to stir my tea in the morning…”). Now reverse the challenge and wrap up something icky for your child to open.
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